She's Honestly Mental

4. ADHD and that constant need to please

• Corrina Rawlinson - Mental Health Advocate • Season 1 • Episode 4

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What if your brain is lying to you… and you’ve been believing it?

This episode gets raw about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the sneaky stories our brain tells us, and why even with therapy, meds and a truckload of self-awareness, the chaos still shows up.

I share a personal story from a club meeting gone rogue, where my brain went straight to “I’m the problem,” even when I knew better.

If you’ve ever spiralled over whether someone’s mad at you, re-lived one awkward conversation for days, or questioned your worth because of a single comment, this one’s going to feel like home. I talk about what RSD is, how trauma amplifies it, and the weird relief of finally having a name for that voice in your head.

You’ll leave this one understanding your brain a little more, and maybe even offering it a bit of grace. Because you're not broken. You're just overwhelmed. And you’re definitely not alone.

What’s one story your brain keeps telling you that you’re ready to rewrite? Come tell me over on Instagram @sheshonestlymental. I’d love to hear from you.

In this episode we cover:

  • Corrina launches the podcast and reflects on not needing to "perform"
  • A breakdown of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and how it shows up
  • The go-kart club AGM moment and emotional aftermath
  • How trauma makes RSD worse and why naming it helps
  • Mowing lawns while spiralling and questioning everything
  • Reflection on selling tractors, doing business, and wondering if she should’ve just stayed home
  • Feeling grateful for the podcast impact but doubting whether it's "enough"
  • A powerful reframe on stories, perspective, and finding glimmers of joy
  • Ending with practical hope: recognising the story, naming it, choosing a new one

Corrina:

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Corrina Rawlinson, ADHD Brain, Medicated Mind, and proud mental health hospital alumni. Still here, still showing up somehow. This is the space for the fillers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection, and everything in between because silence nearly killed me, and these conversations save lives. Alright, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi-contained. Let's get honestly mental. Welcome to episode four of She's Honestly Mental. Far out. This week has been nuts. It's been so amazing. My birthday was on Monday, so thanks for all the birthday wishes. And on Monday, I launched the podcast, which was flipping exciting. I definitely didn't feel like I did my best influence itself and smashed the publicity out of it and all the rest of it, but you know, you got what you got, and that was me, being myself. I feel really overwhelmed, overwhelmed in so many different ways, shapes, forms, all the rest of it, because I had a podcast before, and I did it all myself before. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform and to do it all really well. So the things that I've done this time around that is a bit different to when I first launched The Real Womanhood Life, my OG podcast, is I've really made the investment in getting people who are really good to do the things, to do the things for me. And yeah, it's definitely cost us a little bit of money, but I fully believe in the purpose and in what I'm doing. And I know how much of a change that it's going to make for people. And if it sends me broke doing that, I actually do not care. And I'm pretty lucky too because my husband has been so supportive of this. So huge shout out to Jared. I'm very grateful for you. But I wanted to start off today with a little story about this thing that they talk about with ADHD called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Never heard of it before, um, until obviously I got diagnosed last year. And it makes a lot of sense for my brain. So even as someone who is medicated, someone who knows the things and has the conversations and has the diagnosis and all of the rest of it, this shit still goes on in my brain. And last year for um, I'm in the race go-karts, my kids race go-karts, and I am the secretary for our local club, and I'm also sitting on the executive board for karting WA as well. And so, you know, pretty good at what I do. But at the same time, last year at our local club AGM, I was sitting there doing my job and doing all the things, making sure all the stuff was documented, making sure all of the transcripts were right, making sure all of the I's were dotted and the T's were crossed and that the grammar was perfect. Because when you're doing these roles, you're responsible for making sure that the stuff happens properly. And for someone with ADHD, these kind of roles are actually really good. However, you do tend to take on a lot of stuff and you take on the pressure. And sitting there doing my work, and then I bring up one of the subjects that we had on the agenda, and this guy gets up and he starts yelling at me. He's like, You've turned this into the Karina show, and you're just doing everything and you're not blah, blah, blah, letting anyone help. And I just I stopped and I looked at him and I said, Are you actually serious? Is that really? And he just kept going. And then there were people behind him that also kept going. And I just I just couldn't believe it for a second. I just, I don't know. Even now it still makes me really feel yuck and horrible. But I walked out, I said, I just need a minute. I need to recollect my thoughts and I will come back and we will reconvene. And so I walked outside and my husband actually followed me, and so did a couple of other people. And one of the guys walked up to me and just gave this gigantic hug, and he goes, Karin, you don't need that. Like, you don't deserve to be spoken to like that. You've done an amazing job. They should be really grateful for having you here. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, thank you so much. Like, I don't do it for the praise, obviously, but I do do it because I like to know that things are done properly. And so while I'm doing this, my husband comes up to me and he goes, babe, we're going home. And I went, Oh. And our kids were supposed to be racing straight after this meeting. And he goes, No, babe, we're we're going home, we're out. And I thought, all right, sure. Jared has made the call. We are going home. And for those that know him, know that he's just, he's six foot four, like he's built like fucking brook shit ass, as they say. Like he's huge. But he's soft ass. Like, if you had an argument or a fight, he is not the person that you want in your corner because he's just going to be like, oh nah. Nah, like, not gonna, I don't want to hurt anyone, so no thanks. He's just a big softie, and we love him for that. And so when he says, we're going home, I know that means that we're going home. So, packed the kids' carts up, we came into town, and I just was in a daze, and I think I remember it was like 35 degrees or something like that. And we ended up going around to my dad's house, he's got a pool, and we just hung out with our family for the rest of the afternoon, and it was just beautiful. So, anyway, fast forward, I'm actually still the secretary of the cart club, and I'm still out there doing my job because there was a meeting after, and the committee got together and they said, Look, Arena, like we don't condone the behaviour that's happened, and we want you to know that you're really supported and that we really appreciate everything that you do, and it was just it was nice, and we made the decision as a family to stick there and stay there, and we've just kept going because that's what the club needed. They needed someone with my skills, and that's what I've provided. And look, if there's anyone else that wants to do my job, feel free. But until then, I shall continue. But funny though, so we were out at the track on the weekend and we were mowing the lawns, and the same people that were at the meeting that kind of lost their shit, and look, we've talked about it, and we've apologised and things. But when things like this happen, significant events where your emotions are really heightened, it actually imprints on you at a genetic level. And this is where they talk about trauma. But for me, it's this constant thought pattern of am I upsetting someone? Am I pissing someone off? Should I be doing something else? Would they rather me doing it a different way? Like until someone actually tells me this is what I need you to do, I constantly question, am I doing the right thing? And it is a pain in the ass. And on the weekend, I'm out there and I'm mowing the lawns and someone else was spraying. And I'm thinking to myself, shit, do they really want me to be mowing right now? Like, should I not be mowing right now? Am I mowing over something they've already sprayed? It just was this constant, just didn't stop chattering for so long. And it just got me. I thought, what the fuck is wrong with my brain? Even though I've got all the medication, even though I've done a lot of skills and training and therapy and all the things, like these things still happen. But something that I've learned is a, I can now name it. I can say I have ADHD, and when these things happen and I'm constantly questioning my worth because of the fear of being rejected, I'm like, oh, is this RSD, rejection sensitivity dysphoria? And it really fucking just grinds my gears sometimes. But I think now that I've got something and I can go, oh, it's actually not me. Like, sure, it's my body and my brain, but it's not me. Like it's a part of the ADHD, and a part of the ADHD is the rejection sensitivity. Okay, cool. It's just my brain being really noisy. That's not actually the truth. And even this last week, my husband and I, we've been away to these Newdigate field days to go and try and sell some tractors and sprayers and mowers. And it was a really great time, but it was just Jared and I, and all the blokes, the dealers for the different brands that we sell. We all get in together and we do it as a team, which is just so lovely, not having to be on your own. And there is literally only so much tractor shit talk that I can listen to before you start to lose your mind a little bit. And so I found myself being like, oh, does Jared actually want me here? Does Jared really want me around right now? Like, maybe I should have just stayed home. And then also there was this bit of a disaster with the kids in daycare and them getting looked after. And, you know, my normal kind of like care was that my stepmom would have the kids, but she got really sick. And, you know, we had a plan B and a plan C and all of the rest of it, and there just was all this other shit. And I just had this mum guild of I should have just stayed home. Should have stayed home, been a mum, and done all the things. But the thing with our business is that Jared and I, we do the sales stuff together because I can talk underwater and he is not so confident. And so it's funny in these times where you're like, well, I'm gonna have to put myself out there because I'm gonna have to talk to people, otherwise, I can't sell anything. That the rejection sensitivity isn't there, and it's just really, really weird because I'm like, oh well, I've got to do this anyway. And it just comes down to those different stories that we're telling ourselves. So, how fun is learning about your brain and all of the different pieces? Like it just actually drives me crazy sometimes. With the podcast, I'm so grateful. I think when we checked yesterday, I was sitting at like 102 or 103 in the charts with mental health. And I think I should be cheering myself on about that, but then I'm like, oh, it's only 103. It's only 102. Like, why am I not doing better? What the heck, guys? Look what I'm doing. It's amazing. And then I'm getting these messages, like these messages are insane. They're just keep going, team. Like, keep going, Karina. Don't stop. What you're doing's amazing. We're so proud of you. We've listened to the first three episodes. We want more. And I think, fuck, what if I can't do more? What else do I have to talk about? Like, what if I'm talking about the same things all the time? And it's just these stories that I keep telling myself that is just bullshit. Like it's just a story. I've got to remind myself it's just a story, and the stories that go into my brain are not necessarily true. There's no evidence. But it's funny when we talk about evidence because it's like if you decide that you're a really shit person, you're going to continually look for the evidence of you being a really shit person. And because that's what you're specifically looking for, that's what you're gonna find. So it's like close your eyes. Imagine that you're sitting in a room and you can see all of this amazing blue stuff. Like, I want you to tell me about all of the blue things in that room. And then now I want you to open your eyes, and I need you to tell me about the brown things that were also in that room. You saw them, right? No. No, because we're just focusing on the blue things. And so the more you begin to focus on the things that you believe is true, the less that you're able to see the things that make up the whole picture, make up the whole context. Because yeah, there's just so much more to it. And I find something that helps me get through the days is to just start focusing on the other things. And it's like, okay, well, I know that my stories are telling me at the moment that I'm a really shit person, but I actually just, you know, like my kids are still alive and they're still breathing. That can't make me a shit person. And it's noticing those little things, and I like to call them glimmers. I like to focus on the little glimmers of the things that have made me happy that day. And sometimes, you know, if we sit down around the kitchen table and trust me, we do not do that very often because we just don't. But when we sit down around the table with the kids and we're like, okay, tell us your three favorite things, three things that made you smile and be happy today. And it's those little glimmers, those opportunities where you actually stop and think about the beautiful things. And I'm sure now, if you were to close your eyes and think about the brown things in the room or the pink things in the room, you'd be able to see them. I mean, open your eyes and look around. There's so many different colours. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria can go psychophone. But some little facts about it is that it is nearly universal in ADHD. So women or anyone with ADHD will more than likely have some form of this rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I mean, jump on TikTok, on Instagram, have a scroll, Pinterest, all the rest of it. It will just show you so many different things about all of the different diagnoses and things that kind of go hand in hand. But one of the biggest things is that RSD is amplified by trauma. So when I put myself back into a situation where I've been verbally abused and I choose to go back in there, I am more likely to have experiences of RSD because of what's happened in the past. What I do is as I go out into those situations and I go, okay, this has happened before. This is the old story, and we're building a new one. Because I can actually tell you that that person and I are both very similar, and we are both working really hard to find ways to come together to really work through and find. We've got a very joint sense of purpose around the car club and what we're trying to achieve. And we're both very hot-headed and we're both trying to work through it, but we're just like, let's get through this. It's really hard for someone with RSD because you are going to perceive the rejection and the criticism even when none is intended. And I'm sure you can think of plenty of times, and I do this all the time, where my verbal diarrhea has diarrheed and shit's come out of my mouth, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I never meant that. I never ever meant that. And it's really hard because when you're trying to talk to someone else or explain yourself to someone else, no one sees the same thing in the world. No one sees the same thing at all for a second. So imagine there's two million little matchsticks and they're all dropping. You only see 24. And then the person next to you out of the two million will see another 24. And so what we're seeing throughout the world is actually never the same as what someone else is seeing. So it comes really down to perspective. And if someone has taken what you've said the wrong way, sometimes you have to take accountability for maybe you have actually said it the wrong way, but you're not going to be able to take it back. All you can do is, I believe, is through changed behavior and learning and accepting that, yeah, hey, I actually fucked up and I shouldn't have said that. And I love it so much when someone can honestly say to me, it happened to me a couple of weeks ago. We were at a cart meeting, and I had to penalize a driver. Um, we sit down, there was a couple of us stewards in the room, and this was for the final, and they'd just raced the final, and one of these drivers had alleged that another driver had pushed him off of the track, and they sat down with us with the evidence. And through the evidence, what I saw, I believed that they purposefully pushed this car off the track, which meant that that person in front didn't finish the race, and the person that pushed them off the track ended up winning. And so I made the decision to penalize them 10 seconds, which meant they lost their position on the podium. And holy smokes, that is a heavy weight to carry. Like, why? Why? Why does it have to be me to do that? But because I love the sport and all of the rest of it, and we've got a rule book, you're like, you want it to be fair for everyone, and it's really hard to talk about. But after that, I walked out, and you know, people are running around because the drivers decided to appeal the decision, which they were within their rights to do. And I've rung one of my colleagues, I just went, Oh my gosh. I've done this, this is what's happened, and now everyone's running around, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And people are talking about he goes, Karina, why do you keep doing this to yourself? Mate, you made the decision, believe in the decision that you made, go with it. And I went, you know what? You're right. I made the decision, I made that with confidence, I made it with the evidence that was in front of me, and I sit with it. And yeah, it's really unfortunate. I don't actually know because I appealed it, like I don't know what the outcome is. But yeah, it's just really hard when you put yourself in these positions and you've got to make those kind of decisions. But it's funny how I made the decision with the evidence in front of me and the rule book in front of me, like literally things in black and white, and then I step away from it and then I question what I'm doing. That's a rejection sensitivity. Far out. Rejection sensitivity causes low self-esteem, years of believing that you're the bad person, instead of understanding that you've just wired a bit differently. It's just crazy how we don't talk about it. Let's remember if the rejection sensitivity noise gets really loud, it's just a story. It's not a fact. Literally, when these stories start happening, I'm like, oh, Cool Story Bro needs more dragons. Let's wrap up today's episode of She's Honestly Mental. I have a really big favor to ask. If you've been listening to the podcast, can you please make sure that you leave a review? It's just a really easy way to be able to recommend the podcast to other people. I truly, truly appreciate all of the messages that I've been getting. And yeah, you guys are the reason why I'm here and why I'm doing it and why I've somehow managed to find the confidence in myself to keep going. And it's literally just from the support that I've had. So anyway, have a great week. Bye. Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mentor. If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram at She's Honestly Mentor. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain. You're not broken, you're just honestly mental. And all the best people are.